I’m baaaaack!

Hello lovelies :) Didja miss me?

I know, I know. It’s been forever. :-x But like I said before, my life has been in shambles lately, a whooole lot of mess pulling in a bunch of directions. So what have I been upto? Lets run through it.

1. VEGAS. Yes. I was there. It was unbelievable, I had the most amazing time! Me and 3 of my very good friends jetted out to beautiful, sunny Nevada to live out our own version of “The Hangover”. We went out, saw a show, played tourist, gambled (I won $7.14 y’all. Can we say ballin’?), had In-N’-Out Burger for the first time in life (Dear Lord. If I can eat nothing else for the rest of my life… I’ll never complain again. Amen.), spent WAY too much money, and bonded with my Wolfpack. Vacation of EPIC proportions. Can’t wait for the next one :)

2. Grad School. One interview down, 3 to go! The first one went REALLY well, I have high hopes that  I showed Vandy without a doubt that I am AWESOME. Like, seriously. lol. And Nashville was actually a LOT of fun. A friend of mine was nice enough to take me around town and show me a great time, I had a blast. Who knows…. I may be moving to Tennessee y’all :) lol

3. My Poor Pookie.

Yes. That is the formerly sleek and unblemished driver’s side of my Pookie, otherwise known as my ’09 Camry. *cue the hot salty tears of depression… and pour out a little Turtle Wax for her.* Note to all: I don’t care how little regard you hold for your piece of $#!? car, but I LOVE mine. Blind turns in parking garages have 5mph speed limits FOR A REASON. *sniff*. Stupid ’96 Cavalier. At least the cop was fine though. Officer Jones….. #yesplease. lol.

4. Workworkwork…. and BS co-workers. Any of you who follow me on Twitter knows that I faced quite the debacle with a co-worker last week. #deeeeeepsigh. Lets get one thing straight, shall we? I am many things, but a pushover is not one of them. When I ask you to do something and you don’t, just because I don’t say anything, doesn’t mean I’m not aware of your bull. So don’t act all shocked and surprised when I stop asking you to do stuff. There is NOTHING on this planet I despise more than people who don’t have the decency to follow through when asked for a favor. If you don’t want to do it, SAY NO. Seriously! So that I know not to bother next time. Because I will only put my work integrity in your pathetic, incapable hands so many times before I relegate you to a box reserved for the lazy and irresponsible. Do NOT mess with my job. I take my image at work VERY seriously, and don’t appreciate those who can’t do the same. < /rant >

5. SuperBowl Commercials …meh. Except for these two!:

Greatness. And no, I’m not going to comment on the game this year. I was bored to tears. And the Steelers…. just…. fail.

6. New Ink …Yes I know. I’m an addict. But I can’t help myself lol. Officially saving up for tattoo #6… Once I finalize the design, I’ll share. :)

7. BookyWooks! I’ve been reading up a storm in my web-absence. “The Unnamed” (Joshua Ferris),”Bitch Is The New Black” (Helena Andrews), “Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self” (Danielle Evans), “Naked” (David Sedaris) and always more to come. Each VERY different, but I like the variety. Hit me up for more detailed reviews if you’d like, but I’d recommend them all! Long Live REAL books!

8. Tiger In the wake of the insanity that is my life, I had to give up my baby boo, my dog Tiger. Still miss him something FIERCE! :( Hopefully once my schedule dials back I’ll be able to get another dog…. But I miss my Punkin’ Face. I really hope he found a good family though.

Anyways I should really get back to work… Though this was a nice break, time to mosey on back to the craziness that is my work day. Later folks :)

♥

self-lovin’.

Raise your hand if you can confidently and without a doubt say that you love every single minute thing about your body, yourself, who you are, etc.

Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Nobody? alright then. That’s what I thought. Why is that?

It’s frustrating and sad. Even the most outwardly confident of us all have something they take major issue with.  Too big, small, loud, quiet, sticks out too far, too short, too long, yaddayaddayadda. And then we try to justify all of this in the name of “self-confidence” “conceitedness” by throwing in “well at least he/she/it has it worse than me.” WTH? That’s not self-confidence. That’s petty and destructive. And it’s not going to work anyways.

So why do it? Sure, at the end of the day you’ve created a booster seat with the pile of dashed self-lovin’ of other people, but if you have to KEEP DOING IT, clearly it’s not working.

My dear sister, who makes her home on the interwebs over at Les Coeurs Solitaires posted this fabulous quote the other day. Thought I’d share with y’all :)

“At some point in your adult life, you’ve probably walked into a party and felt a frisson of relief upon discovering at least one woman there who was fatter, uglier, and/or dressed more inappropriately than you. We sure have. But if you want to have any hope of making peace with your own body, you need to knock that shit off.

We’re not even telling you to stop just because it’s nasty, petty, and beneath you to judge other women so harshly; it is, but because you’re not a saint, and neither are we. We’re telling you to stop because it’s actually in your own self-interest to stop being such a bitch. ‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.

Judging other women negatively creates a constant stream of nasty thoughts in your head. It is inevitable that you will end up applying those same standards to yourself. We think we’re building ourselves up when we do this but, really, we’re just tearing other people down to our level. And we hate to go all Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on you, but tearing other people down isn’t really productive. It leaves you in the same place you started, which is full of loathing for your own body. “

–Excerpt from Screw Inner Beauty, by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby

And the church says AMEN. Let 2011 be the year we let go of petty crap, self-destructive thoughts, and unnecessary negativity about ourselves, and everybody else for that matter. Please and Thank you.

♥

do the #nerdygirl rock.

I. Am. A. Nerd.

Always have been. I’m that girl who spends entirely too long clicking the “Random” button on Wikipedia for fun. I’ve been known to read random chapters in my textbooks just out of pure unadulterated curiosity (that’s on TOP of my actual workload, mind you.). I’m that irritating person correcting your grammar, contributing random facts nobody wants/needs to know to otherwise lighthearted conversations, and that sorta-know-it-all who probably knows the answer to that obscure question you just asked, because I thought it was cool, and looked it up last week. I like to know stuff.  #shrug

Yeah. Nerdy. Soooooo nerdy. lol.

And I’ve always been this way. But you know what I’ve noticed, in 20-or so odd years of nerdiness? The world is not nerd-friendly. At ALL. If you’re not Ken Jennings, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, nerds get very little love. If I had a nickel for every person whose eyes glazed over when I tell them what I do, or for every person who trips over themselves running in the opposite direction when I describe my undergrad degree….. I’d be a wealthy girl. lol.

And so in large part, I keep it to myself. Because nobody really wants to know. Most of the time they’re just being polite lol. They’re expecting something more succinct. I sit in silence while my friends discuss their work or their next career steps, because though their jobs escape my expertise, they can much more easily be relayed in laymen’s terms. Nobody wants to hear about the neurobiological or structural correlates of human psychopathology. *feel like browsing elsewhere yet? lol* No matter how interesting I may think that stuff is.

I never share. I never discuss. Mostly because I don’t want to feel like I’m boring people. As much as I love knowing shtuff, it’s hard out here for a nerd! lol

It definitely makes the whole dating scene significantly more complicated. I mean seriously, it may sound elitist and pretentious and I apologize for that, but it definitely narrows the field of available prospects when I have a Ph.D. in my future. (I would like a dude with at least a bachelor’s and aspirations for a higher degree. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.) So I find myself by and large dismissing the “just” high school grads/GED holders/”street entrepreneurs”/college drop-outs/general know-nothings. Because c’mon son. I’m going to be a doctor. lol. (no, it’s not an M.D. but it’s a DOCTORate. So yeah.).

But as grad school approaches and my commitment to this field that I love deepens, and the fact that this will be my career  for like, EVER, gets realer by the day, I realize I need to own up to it a little more. I need to start being proud of the weird way my brain-parts work lol. While my friends own/rock the fields of business and law and medical school and all those great careers that are more mentally accessible for the casual inquirer, I need to learn to pipe up and be like, “Yea Dude. I’m a future black neuroscientist. I can tell you how that gray mushy stuff between your ears functions. And I can tell you why it acts funny sometimes. ASK ABOUT ME!!!” lol.

Yes I’m that one super-nerd in the crowd. I need to stop mumbling “brain stuff” when people ask me what I do. Proudly proclaim that yes, I have a bachelors in a field that some people can’t even pronounce, and I’m going to be one of those “other” doctors one day.

Next time you see me, I’ll be on my Keri Hilson* steez, doing my “Nerdy Girl Rock”. Because honestly, Nerds Rule. lol.

 

*For the record, Keri DID attend my alma mater. Even if she didn’t graduate. Former Emory Folks stand UP!

♥

I love Booky Wooks.

Reading is awesome. For serious. One of my bestie’s favorite quote is,  “If you can read this, thank a teacher.” When did we all give up on the amazing art of disappearing into a book?

I won’t lie, I’ve been skimpin’ on my reading quest of late, but I just picked a new book before my Thanksgiving trip, and I cracked it open on the bus this morning. I think it’s a genuinely bad idea to forgo reading in favor of lesser entertainment forms…. Yea I can hear you all calling me a nerd. I don’t care. #nerdygirlswag. On a thousand-trillion. lol.

According to the BBC, the average person has only read 6 of the following books in their lives. SIX!! That’s it?! Maybe I’m just a bookworm, but I think as humanity we all need to do wayyyy better. Read my blog (lol) then log off the interwebs and head to the nearest bookstore/library. Please and Thank You. lol. Anyways, below (after the cut)  is *my* version of the  Top 100 Nominated books on The Big Read list…. Bold if I read it, Italicized if I didn’t finish it (Yet!!!).

Enjoy! And pick up a book or two off the list why don’t ya.

♥

Before I Turn 25…

…ok yes I know I still have a couple years. But 25 is a big one, right?!

I was reading an article about “bucket lists” and “before you turn” lists etc. and I decided I needed one of my own. I have tons of things bouncing around in my head that I want to do, but I’m either too scared or too broke to accomplish them at the moment. But sometime in the next 2-ish years, I know that I have a lot of things that I want to make sure I’ve accomplished, to make my 25th year the most accomplished yet :)

So below, find my list of 25 Things I Want to Do Before Turning 25!

“asante, party of 1…”

[walks in to imaginary support group meeting]

“Hello everyone. My name is Asante…”

“Hiiiii Asaaaanteee.”

“…and I’m a recovering relationshipper.  I’ve been single for 8 weeks… “

[clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap…]

Being single during Fall Cuffing Season  is strange. Literally everybody is looking for a winter boo-slice lol. ]

Except me. Not interested. Sorry. Been there, done that, need a break from it. But seriously as much as I love my friends, I feel like a lot of them are treating me with kid-gloves, like I’m about to dissolve at any second. Gently bringing up my ex like I’m just a mess waiting to happen, no matter how many times I tell them I’m doing ok. Suggesting friends they want to hook me up with because “I’m too great to be single” or “I need someone for the holidays” or “I’m running out of time” etc.

Dude. I’m not dying. I’m single. And it’s ok. Really.

It is a strange transition, to be sure. At first it came as a surprise being approached, since apparently I wiped the “Fall the —- back, I’m involved” ink off my forehead. Then it was a surprise remembering that I COULD entertain the attention (or ignore it, lets face it, I’m still pretty damn picky lol.) Then the discouraging moments when it’s Friday night and I’ve inadvertently had my “<3” iTunes playlist on for 2 hours and wondering why I have nobody to cuddle with. Then the realization that I don’t need it. I’m single. And it’s ok.

I’m not “alone”. I don’t have “nobody”. I have myself. A newly-accepted and appreciated form of myself, I might add. All this new-found self-worth and love, and I want to throw it out the window with the mantra that I need a “somebody” to make my existence legit? Nuh-uh. Vivian Green said it so well: “I like it, but I don’t need it”. I spent the better part of my early adult years in a great relationship, and though I technically was single before then, I wasn’t really looking for that long. So this is really the first time in my life that I’ve been “single”, and I don’t think I’m ready to be anything but at the moment. (Let’s be honest, rebounding is never a great idea. lol). The last thing I am looking for is to be in a new relationship right now. Why is it a bad thing?

Everywhere I look (mind you, I spend a lot of time absentmindedly surfing blogs and the like) there’s another article about “making a man want you” or “getting him back” or “mistakes you’re making that keep you single” on-and-on-and-on blah blah blah. Since when is a girl’s sole purpose in life to tie down a man? I mean the attention is nice, sure, but is that my only goal in life? Should it be? I say “heck naw“. I want a weekend where I get to put on some banging heels for “me”. Take “myself” out somewhere nice to eat. Get to know “I” in and out, and just enjoy that for a while.

Sure it would be nice to be in a relationship again. I’m definitely not saying that the institution of a committed relationship is a bad thing. And it’s not out of the question in the (not-so-near) future. What I’m saying is that it’s not the only thing. I’d like to remind myself there’s more to life than being one half of a couple, at least in the short-term. And after so long as just that, one half, I think it would be irresponsible to not explore what it means to be a whole, by myself, and do things for me for a while. You hear relationship ‘experts’ saying all  the time that “you can’t contribute to a healthy relationship until you are in one with yourself” etc. etc. I think that being content while single is a big part of that. I’m not looking for my next 4+ year romance yet. I have some catching up to do with myself, and I don’t think I’m done with that yet.

So yes, my friends, I’m single. And I know  you’re just trying to help, and I appreciate it. I’m glad you all think I’m such a catch lol. But I don’t need a new man.

Not yet, anyways.

♥

my life on impulse.

I don’t know what got me thinking about this today, but I have  spontaneity on the brain this morning. Reminiscing about moments that I just didn’t giveadamn, and just DID something. lol. Sadly, those moments are a bit few/far between for me, but I intend on changing that in the future. lol.

As for me, the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done?

My fifth tattoo.

Those who know me will probably think “Pshhhhh you’ve got plenty of those. What’s the deal?”

It was for me though, lol. My other 4 spent at least 8-10 months in the making before I inked ’em. Y’all know by now that I overthink EVERYTHING I do.  This one, however, was borne out of a rainy night in South Beach, Miami when it was too early to go home, too late to stand in line at a club, and I had a vacation mindset and $$ to blow… lol. This also happened at 2am. Sound impulsive yet?

I really love it though. I was terrified that I would wake up the next day and be like… “You’re an idiot. You got a tattoo on your head. Nobody will ever hire you for the rest of your life. GTFOH.”

But then my best friend looked me in the face and told me: “Stop freaking out. It looks like you’ve had it all your life. It fits you perfectly. And you can barely see it.” (<<One of the many reasons I love her :)

So I guess impulse looks better on me than I thought.

Something to keep in mind.

♥

This is your life.

This is my life.  I need to stop holding myself  back and start freakin’ doing something with it. Be a little less cautious, a little more vibrant, and a lot more passionate. As fall bears down and another year threatens to end, I realize that I have a lot more time to do EVERYTHING. Why was I rushing? Putting myself on timelines and planning wayyy too far in advance…. I’m only 23, right? I have tons of time ahead of me. Time to take advantage of it. Have  a good monday morning, folks :)

♥

moment of clarity.

I woke up early this Saturday morning with way too much on my mind.

Like, obnoxiously early, considering I was out til 4 am the night before. It was still kind of dark out, but I couldn’t sleep, so I fumbled for shoes and sweats and Tiger’s leash, and we went out for a walk. (I think he could tell that I wasn’t in the mood for his shenanigans, he was so calm on the leash for once in his life, I’m grateful to him for that.)

I spent the hour of our walk contemplating a lot of things, namely the last 4 years + change that I’ve invested in what I had convinced myself was growing and moving forward. I consciously and continuously ignored that voice in the back of my head rattling off those annoying cliche phrases we’ve all heard a million times. I told myself i just needed to put in more work. more effort. more time. more understanding. more more more more more.

It took till that saturday morning for me to step back and realize that after putting in so much, my return was frustratingly absent. It seemed with every step “I” took forward, “us” took a few back. I can’t honestly say I didn’t see it coming, I willfully and arrogantly ignored it. Told myself it was getting better, as the distance took bigger and bigger chunks out of what was.

And it hit me, I shouldn’t have to work this hard. Not when I’m doing it alone. Not when I’m contradicting the self-love, self-integrity, and self-respect that I’ve worked so hard to cultivate and nurture in myself. It’s been a long time coming for me to truly begin to understand what I want out of life, so why was I ignoring it?

To whom it may concern: I’m disappointed it had to get to this point, but I realize that I was unwilling to see what was in front of me, smacking me in the face. Doing my best to put my anger aside. I realize that in my neurotic maintenance of “us”, i forgot about “me”. But it doesn’t do anybody any good for me to harbor the guilt, the pain, or the anger anymore. And I can’t ignore what the inevitable next step is.

So I did what I should have done a while ago. I let it go.

I made it to the next street corner,  me and Tiger turned around, and went home.

♥

we don’t have to: a manifesto.

Some days, I pretend I’m this miraculously inventive, pensive, and creative writer [slash] artiste.

Other days, I relenquish the title to those gifted persons who sprinkle themselves across the internet. During my absent minded clickings this morning, I came across this beautiful work by an artist named Sui, who makes her internet home at cynosure. Check out her work, it’s inspiring!

we don’t have to

a manifesto.

We don’t have to follow in our mother and father’s footsteps.
We don’t have to treat our children the same way we were raised.
We don’t have to teach them how to fear, how to worry, how to dislike themselves, how to forget how to dream and play and imagine and live in the moment.

We don’t have to abuse ourselves, everyone we encounter, or the planet that provides us with a home.

We don’t have to believe that talent or skills or fulfillment or contentment lie outside of us in fancy equipment or expensive gadgets.
We don’t have to believe that happiness lies within the accumulation of material stuff. Or anything external at all.

We don’t have to follow the rules that someone else wrote out years ago, expecting us to obey without question.
We don’t have to listen to the shoulds or should nots.
We don’t have to live up to anyone else’s standards.

We don’t have to mistreat the earth, pollute the sea with plastic, waste water, or waste our money.

We don’t have to hate ourselves, feel depressed or guilty, not take care of ourselves, feel terrible when things don’t go our way, punish ourselves, let the external dictate our emotions, think negative thoughts.
We don’t have to believe we’re weak, give up when things get tough, lose hope in life when it’s just trying to teach us something.
We don’t have to believe we can’t be happy just loving and being ourselves.

We don’t have to judge others before we even get to know them, hate others because they’re not like us, hold grudges, blame others for our circumstances.
We don’t have to believe that are either “good” or “bad”, or that “evil people” exist at all.
We don’t have to put ourselves in neat little boxes, give ourselves labels of what we are and what we aren’t, pigeonhole everyone else who we think is “different”, and distance “us” from “them”.
We don’t have to believe that there even is a “them” separate from “us” to begin with.

We don’t have to believe we’re not beautiful just because we have short legs, long legs, no butt, big butt, flabby arms, strong arms, short fingers, long necks, big ears, bushy eyebrows, no eyebrows, big feet, thick feet, wide feet, small hands, short hair, long hair, frizzy hair, straight hair, nappy hair, little hair, no hair, stretchmarks and cellulite.
We don’t have to believe we’re not beautiful because the movies and the magazines and the media tell us a terrible untruth.

We don’t have to believe we’re just a number on a scale, a shirt, or a driver’s license. We don’t have to define ourselves by the brands we wear, the color of our hair, or anything outside of our souls.

We don’t have to believe we’re not smart just because they told us we weren’t, because we don’t speak ten languages, didn’t do well on the SAT, don’t get straight As, never went to college, didn’t make the honor roll, completely tanked a class or test or two or three, refused to accept that a dogmatic professor was absolutely right, didn’t graduate middle school, would rather chase our dreams than sit at a desk.

We don’t have to deny our natural selves.
We don’t have to hold back our hunger, our laughter, our flatulence. Our sweat, our scent, our scars. Our sexiness, our sexuality, our sex drive. Our menstruation, our erections, our wet dreams, our fun dreams, our tears.

We don’t have to eat mindlessly just because advertisements and marketing aimed to make us unhealthy say so.
We don’t have to use self-harming addictions to numb ourselves or escape from our lives.

We don’t have to be ashamed of our unshaved legs, unperfumed armpits, unpainted fingernails, untrimmed toenails, unstyled hair, unpainted faces.

We don’t have to hide our true beauty.
We don’t have to hide who we are.
We don’t have to wear the clothes, have the body, fit the size, look like the actor or the model.

We don’t have to be scared anymore. Of flying, of being wonderful, of being ourselves, of talking to new and exciting people, of going for what you thought impossible, of asking that cute sweetie out, of rejection, of acceptance, of trusting ourselves and others, of letting go, of healing, of moving on, of loving and living limitlessly.

We don’t have to listen to our brother, sister, mother, father, best friend, stranger, lover, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, teacher, mentor, therapist, cousin, who tells us we’re not good enough– no matter how much we love them.
We don’t have to believe a bar of “good enough” even exists.

We don’t have to suppress, deny, or otherwise squelch our awesomeness.

We don’t have to pretend anymore. Not for a single second longer.

[for the orignal post: click here]

♥