Archive for the rant Category

My Favorite Love Songs…

Posted in happyness, Love, music, playlist, rant, sadface, The Holidays on 02/14/2011 by asante

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again. When everyone you know is either cuddling up to the one they love or really like, or cursing this ill-begotten red and pink holiday.

Valentine’s day :)

I’ve spent the majority being mildly (ok more than mildly…) bitter at the entire concept of this day, but with a glass of wine in my system, I’m ready to be a bit more civil. I’ll admit, my first single V-Day in 4 years was awfully strange. You know how you don’t notice certain things in others until you don’t have them? Yeah well it seemed like EVERYONE was getting flowers or obnoxious balloons or surprise gifts. Like, everywhere. *vomit*.

I think the low point of this day was when an aging hobo asked me to be his Valentine. Talk about rock bottom. lol. #singlelife.

Anyways, back to the point, where was I?…. Right, love songs. Most days of the year, I’m perfectly optimistic about the concept of love, and I am a big fan of great love songs. So below (after the cut) are some of my favorites, and if you’re late on the boat and haven’t put together a playlist for your special someone or other, hope this helps. Celebrate the Love :)

….or if you’re still bitter, holler at my good friend Modi for his Singles Awareness Day Mixtape #3, which is a great ode to those of us without someone to snuggle with tonight. (Or check him out anyways, he’s mad talented!)

Anyways, Happy Valentine’s Day, folks. I’m off for a much deserved bubble bath. And to refill my glass. lol.

despite my slightly gloomy mood, as always…

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self-lovin’.

Posted in beautiful, friends, happyness, inspired, Life, Love, quotes, randomness, rant, revelations, The Wonderful Internet on 01/11/2011 by asante

Raise your hand if you can confidently and without a doubt say that you love every single minute thing about your body, yourself, who you are, etc.

Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Nobody? alright then. That’s what I thought. Why is that?

It’s frustrating and sad. Even the most outwardly confident of us all have something they take major issue with.  Too big, small, loud, quiet, sticks out too far, too short, too long, yaddayaddayadda. And then we try to justify all of this in the name of “self-confidence” “conceitedness” by throwing in “well at least he/she/it has it worse than me.” WTH? That’s not self-confidence. That’s petty and destructive. And it’s not going to work anyways.

So why do it? Sure, at the end of the day you’ve created a booster seat with the pile of dashed self-lovin’ of other people, but if you have to KEEP DOING IT, clearly it’s not working.

My dear sister, who makes her home on the interwebs over at Les Coeurs Solitaires posted this fabulous quote the other day. Thought I’d share with y’all :)

“At some point in your adult life, you’ve probably walked into a party and felt a frisson of relief upon discovering at least one woman there who was fatter, uglier, and/or dressed more inappropriately than you. We sure have. But if you want to have any hope of making peace with your own body, you need to knock that shit off.

We’re not even telling you to stop just because it’s nasty, petty, and beneath you to judge other women so harshly; it is, but because you’re not a saint, and neither are we. We’re telling you to stop because it’s actually in your own self-interest to stop being such a bitch. ‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.

Judging other women negatively creates a constant stream of nasty thoughts in your head. It is inevitable that you will end up applying those same standards to yourself. We think we’re building ourselves up when we do this but, really, we’re just tearing other people down to our level. And we hate to go all Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on you, but tearing other people down isn’t really productive. It leaves you in the same place you started, which is full of loathing for your own body. “

–Excerpt from Screw Inner Beauty, by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby

And the church says AMEN. Let 2011 be the year we let go of petty crap, self-destructive thoughts, and unnecessary negativity about ourselves, and everybody else for that matter. Please and Thank you.

Secrets…

Posted in friends, happyness, Home, inspired, Life, Me, memories, rant, sadface, ugh. on 12/11/2010 by asante

“… Some mine, some his, some hers…”

Line from one of my favorite Alice Smith songs: “Secrets” off her album “For Lovers, Dreamers, & Me”.  That line for me is so simple, but loaded.

We all have secrets, right? Those stories or details that we keep to ourselves. Don’t tell anyone but our closest confidantes (and even sometimes, we may not tell them either).

…Or maybe that’s me. Personally, I have some things that I just can’t tell anybody. Maybe it’s because I think that certain things aren’t mine to tell. Other times I just don’t want *that* look on people’s faces. Sometimes it’s just not any of their business. But by and large,  I like to keep to myself. I don’t tell most people jack. I’m a secretive introvert.

Why? Because people judge. And people pity. And it’s a natural human reaction to OVERreact to certain tidbits of news. And on those most secret of topics in my life, I’d rather not deal with all of that. Kindly #STFU, please.

Not for lack of trust, but it’s mostly borne from a tendency to keep sensitive info to myself. While with a whole lot of stuff I’m a total blabbermouth, certain things I have no desire to tell anyone. It makes it complicated when it comes to my confidantes, because there are a few things that even my very closest friends don’t know (aside from probably my best friend and my ex, who know just about everything there is to know about me).

I prefer to keep my secrets.

I think there is something to be said for those of us who can maintain some level of secrecy/candid-ness in the face of the openness that social media provides us these days. I may be extroverted on many levels, I can sometimes be super TMI, I have a Twitter account that I use somewhat obnoxiously, but when it comes to certain topics, I’m totally mum. I just feel like certain things aren’t other people’s business.

Somethings  just don’t need to be shared. The increasingly open nature of the internet has taught me that I need to be more careful with my secrets. They’re secrets for a reason, right?

I may have some trust issues.   o_O

It keeps me a tad closed off from the world, but I like the fact that there are certain things about me that people will never know about me unless they really give me reason to invite them to my inner circle.

Wanna know more? Ask. And maybe in a few months, you may receive. But until then, there are only certain things that I’ll feel comfortable telling people. But it’s a personal deal.

Sharing every facet of my life with EVERYONE I know can’t possibly be healthy. So I’m gonna stick to this method until someone proves me wrong that silence can be golden in some situations. Because seriously, I think sometimes it pays to keep your mouth shut. Meh.

do the #nerdygirl rock.

Posted in college, friends, hobbies, Me, rant, revelations, The Future, Uncategorized, Work on 12/08/2010 by asante

I. Am. A. Nerd.

Always have been. I’m that girl who spends entirely too long clicking the “Random” button on Wikipedia for fun. I’ve been known to read random chapters in my textbooks just out of pure unadulterated curiosity (that’s on TOP of my actual workload, mind you.). I’m that irritating person correcting your grammar, contributing random facts nobody wants/needs to know to otherwise lighthearted conversations, and that sorta-know-it-all who probably knows the answer to that obscure question you just asked, because I thought it was cool, and looked it up last week. I like to know stuff.  #shrug

Yeah. Nerdy. Soooooo nerdy. lol.

And I’ve always been this way. But you know what I’ve noticed, in 20-or so odd years of nerdiness? The world is not nerd-friendly. At ALL. If you’re not Ken Jennings, Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, nerds get very little love. If I had a nickel for every person whose eyes glazed over when I tell them what I do, or for every person who trips over themselves running in the opposite direction when I describe my undergrad degree….. I’d be a wealthy girl. lol.

And so in large part, I keep it to myself. Because nobody really wants to know. Most of the time they’re just being polite lol. They’re expecting something more succinct. I sit in silence while my friends discuss their work or their next career steps, because though their jobs escape my expertise, they can much more easily be relayed in laymen’s terms. Nobody wants to hear about the neurobiological or structural correlates of human psychopathology. *feel like browsing elsewhere yet? lol* No matter how interesting I may think that stuff is.

I never share. I never discuss. Mostly because I don’t want to feel like I’m boring people. As much as I love knowing shtuff, it’s hard out here for a nerd! lol

It definitely makes the whole dating scene significantly more complicated. I mean seriously, it may sound elitist and pretentious and I apologize for that, but it definitely narrows the field of available prospects when I have a Ph.D. in my future. (I would like a dude with at least a bachelor’s and aspirations for a higher degree. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.) So I find myself by and large dismissing the “just” high school grads/GED holders/”street entrepreneurs”/college drop-outs/general know-nothings. Because c’mon son. I’m going to be a doctor. lol. (no, it’s not an M.D. but it’s a DOCTORate. So yeah.).

But as grad school approaches and my commitment to this field that I love deepens, and the fact that this will be my career  for like, EVER, gets realer by the day, I realize I need to own up to it a little more. I need to start being proud of the weird way my brain-parts work lol. While my friends own/rock the fields of business and law and medical school and all those great careers that are more mentally accessible for the casual inquirer, I need to learn to pipe up and be like, “Yea Dude. I’m a future black neuroscientist. I can tell you how that gray mushy stuff between your ears functions. And I can tell you why it acts funny sometimes. ASK ABOUT ME!!!” lol.

Yes I’m that one super-nerd in the crowd. I need to stop mumbling “brain stuff” when people ask me what I do. Proudly proclaim that yes, I have a bachelors in a field that some people can’t even pronounce, and I’m going to be one of those “other” doctors one day.

Next time you see me, I’ll be on my Keri Hilson* steez, doing my “Nerdy Girl Rock”. Because honestly, Nerds Rule. lol.

 

*For the record, Keri DID attend my alma mater. Even if she didn’t graduate. Former Emory Folks stand UP!

Ph.D. bound…

Posted in college, Life, Me, Neuro, randomness, rant, The Future, Uncategorized on 11/10/2010 by asante

…Well, I will be. Eventually. Once I complete my 4-6 years of indentured servitude, commonly known as Graduate School.

Blech.

Yep, through the grace of some persistently misfiring synapse in my brain, I have the unfaltering desire to go to graduate school. *gulp*.

You could very easily call this story something along the lines of “For Colored Girls who Considered a Doctorate when a Bachelors’ Wasn’t Enuf.” lol.

(I’m silly.)

I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories and naysayers, and even some current grad students who good-natured-ly coax me to run as far as possible in the opposite direction, I really do want to go.

But these applications must DIE.

Applications of any sort just make me painfully anxious. I’ve put these off for months because they just make me twitch with terror. The possibility of making a mistake on one of them that will cost me the possibility of that option, or just the simple fact that someone will be judging me on paper (and I’ll be honest, my academic career thus far doesn’t look so hot on paper…. eek.) It makes me cringe and twitch and want to crawl underneath my desk into  a little ball and drown in unbearable freaked-out-ed-ness.

Tons of people tell me I don’t need to worry too much, because I’m a super minority. A.) I’m black. and B.) I’m female. Not to many of me applying for doctorate Neuroscience programs. So I do have that w0rking in my favor.  But I just don’t like the idea of having to prove myself to somebody. And then the COST of sending these all out? Don’t even get me started. It makes me want to cry a little bit. $380 in application fees. $207 to send test scores. About $100 to send my transcripts. And I only end up going to ONE of these schools, where tuition will be free. #WTFBelanie. Why are they so intent on taking my hard earned money from me?!

Well, I just needed a place to rant. Impending graduate studies matriculation is making me crazy. *Crossing my fingers for a Northwestern interview…….*

Scratch that. Power of positive thinking in this beeyotch!! I WILL impress Dr. Chiao. I WILL get in to Northwestern. I will move to Chicago and be fantastic (with a side of grad-student-broke). I will defy/rebuke anyone and anything that stands in my way. Haters, back up. Future doctor right here.

Just think… Asante K_________, B.S. M.S. Ph.D.

Yes please.

Rachet.

Posted in friends, funny, Life, Me, memories, randomness, rant, ugh., weekend on 10/15/2010 by asante

Seriously. lol.

Ohhhh the hoodrachetassness that Atlanta females are capable of. Especially when some half-famous mostly-fine celeb is in town.  For those unfamiliar with the term, let me clarify:

hood•ra•chet•ass•ness (noun.)  – 1. The wildly unnecessary, uncouth, and ghetto behavior of an individual in response to some insignificant incident. 2. A primarily African-American deep-southern-bred mode of behavior that displays a woeful lack of God-given sense.

Yea. Merriam-Webster, hope you’re paying attention.

I still can’t get over the foolishness that went down last night. Me and some friends of mine decided to head to Opera last night (one of the many fine nightclubs in the city of Atlanta). It was my turn to drive, and I was willing happy to do it. (Sidenote: Those of you who don’t know me, let me be frank. I drive a lil’ crazy. Not SUPER crazy, but lets just say that I rarely obey speed limits. And quelling road rage is a constant struggle. And I’ve been known to scream/curse/yell/berate other drivers on a frequent basis. Yeah.) Now with the particular brand of stupid that characterizes many Atlanta drivers, I get a lil’ agitated on the roads. And moreso when people are rude for no reason.

So when it came time to attempt to turn into the badly-placed parking garage, and folk were wasting my time? I pulled my D.C. Driving* Skills out of my left pocket. I cut a chick off. *Kanye Shrug*

*D.C. Driving: The superior automobile operation capabilities that can only be taught by earning a license on the streets of the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia Area). Examples include: executing perfect illegal U-turns without having to re-adjust for the curb, effortless parallel parking, knowledge of when your brakes aren’t necessary, and the ability to pull off crazy driving moves without collisions/getting shot at. Also, the ability to navigate without ending up in SW D.C./Anacostia.*

She was NOT happy. Apparently she thought that leaving 10 feet of space in front her car was prohibitive. But hey. It happens. Some time or another, you’ll be hanging out behind the wheel, not paying enough attention to the road, and someone’s gonna cut you off. Does that warrant her reaction?

No. Heeeeeell No.

She and her friends (three cars worth!!) decided that the best course of action would be to spend the evening FOLLOWING us. They parked near us, followed us around the dance floor, trailed us to the bathroom…. ALL NIGHT. All the while Whisper-Thugging like they had nothing better to do with their evening.

Bish what?! lol

Seriously. You got into the parking deck, you got into the club, you may have even gotten a glimpse of that half-celeb who doesn’t give a rat’s tail about your simple self. No harm, no foul. Please find something more productive to do with your life than trying to intimidate me. And I say trying, because you don’t want none of this. Don’t make ME get rachet. lol.

Moral of the story: Atlanta chicks have cornered the market on hoodrachetassness. And maybe I just need to avoid club nights when they’re ALL trying to throw themselves at one of the 12 decent men in this city. Meh. Life choices.

< /rant >

The End. lol.

“asante, party of 1…”

Posted in Fall, friends, happyness, Life, Love, Me, randomness, rant, revelations, Uncategorized on 10/11/2010 by asante

[walks in to imaginary support group meeting]

“Hello everyone. My name is Asante…”

“Hiiiii Asaaaanteee.”

“…and I’m a recovering relationshipper.  I’ve been single for 8 weeks… “

[clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap…]

Being single during Fall Cuffing Season  is strange. Literally everybody is looking for a winter boo-slice lol. ]

Except me. Not interested. Sorry. Been there, done that, need a break from it. But seriously as much as I love my friends, I feel like a lot of them are treating me with kid-gloves, like I’m about to dissolve at any second. Gently bringing up my ex like I’m just a mess waiting to happen, no matter how many times I tell them I’m doing ok. Suggesting friends they want to hook me up with because “I’m too great to be single” or “I need someone for the holidays” or “I’m running out of time” etc.

Dude. I’m not dying. I’m single. And it’s ok. Really.

It is a strange transition, to be sure. At first it came as a surprise being approached, since apparently I wiped the “Fall the —- back, I’m involved” ink off my forehead. Then it was a surprise remembering that I COULD entertain the attention (or ignore it, lets face it, I’m still pretty damn picky lol.) Then the discouraging moments when it’s Friday night and I’ve inadvertently had my “<3” iTunes playlist on for 2 hours and wondering why I have nobody to cuddle with. Then the realization that I don’t need it. I’m single. And it’s ok.

I’m not “alone”. I don’t have “nobody”. I have myself. A newly-accepted and appreciated form of myself, I might add. All this new-found self-worth and love, and I want to throw it out the window with the mantra that I need a “somebody” to make my existence legit? Nuh-uh. Vivian Green said it so well: “I like it, but I don’t need it”. I spent the better part of my early adult years in a great relationship, and though I technically was single before then, I wasn’t really looking for that long. So this is really the first time in my life that I’ve been “single”, and I don’t think I’m ready to be anything but at the moment. (Let’s be honest, rebounding is never a great idea. lol). The last thing I am looking for is to be in a new relationship right now. Why is it a bad thing?

Everywhere I look (mind you, I spend a lot of time absentmindedly surfing blogs and the like) there’s another article about “making a man want you” or “getting him back” or “mistakes you’re making that keep you single” on-and-on-and-on blah blah blah. Since when is a girl’s sole purpose in life to tie down a man? I mean the attention is nice, sure, but is that my only goal in life? Should it be? I say “heck naw“. I want a weekend where I get to put on some banging heels for “me”. Take “myself” out somewhere nice to eat. Get to know “I” in and out, and just enjoy that for a while.

Sure it would be nice to be in a relationship again. I’m definitely not saying that the institution of a committed relationship is a bad thing. And it’s not out of the question in the (not-so-near) future. What I’m saying is that it’s not the only thing. I’d like to remind myself there’s more to life than being one half of a couple, at least in the short-term. And after so long as just that, one half, I think it would be irresponsible to not explore what it means to be a whole, by myself, and do things for me for a while. You hear relationship ‘experts’ saying all  the time that “you can’t contribute to a healthy relationship until you are in one with yourself” etc. etc. I think that being content while single is a big part of that. I’m not looking for my next 4+ year romance yet. I have some catching up to do with myself, and I don’t think I’m done with that yet.

So yes, my friends, I’m single. And I know  you’re just trying to help, and I appreciate it. I’m glad you all think I’m such a catch lol. But I don’t need a new man.

Not yet, anyways.