Archive for the Love Category

My Favorite Love Songs…

Posted in happyness, Love, music, playlist, rant, sadface, The Holidays on 02/14/2011 by asante

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again. When everyone you know is either cuddling up to the one they love or really like, or cursing this ill-begotten red and pink holiday.

Valentine’s day :)

I’ve spent the majority being mildly (ok more than mildly…) bitter at the entire concept of this day, but with a glass of wine in my system, I’m ready to be a bit more civil. I’ll admit, my first single V-Day in 4 years was awfully strange. You know how you don’t notice certain things in others until you don’t have them? Yeah well it seemed like EVERYONE was getting flowers or obnoxious balloons or surprise gifts. Like, everywhere. *vomit*.

I think the low point of this day was when an aging hobo asked me to be his Valentine. Talk about rock bottom. lol. #singlelife.

Anyways, back to the point, where was I?…. Right, love songs. Most days of the year, I’m perfectly optimistic about the concept of love, and I am a big fan of great love songs. So below (after the cut) are some of my favorites, and if you’re late on the boat and haven’t put together a playlist for your special someone or other, hope this helps. Celebrate the Love :)

….or if you’re still bitter, holler at my good friend Modi for his Singles Awareness Day Mixtape #3, which is a great ode to those of us without someone to snuggle with tonight. (Or check him out anyways, he’s mad talented!)

Anyways, Happy Valentine’s Day, folks. I’m off for a much deserved bubble bath. And to refill my glass. lol.

despite my slightly gloomy mood, as always…

Continue reading

“Valentine’s Day: By The Numbers”

Posted in funny, Love, randomness, The Holidays, The Wonderful Internet on 02/10/2011 by asante

I busted out cackling at these graphs, no lie! Originally posted [here], author Wylo takes a hilarious approach to the lead-up and fall out of the year’s most emotional holiday, Valentine’s Day. Enjoy!

¤ Visit the whole site, Cool Material! ¤

self-lovin’.

Posted in beautiful, friends, happyness, inspired, Life, Love, quotes, randomness, rant, revelations, The Wonderful Internet on 01/11/2011 by asante

Raise your hand if you can confidently and without a doubt say that you love every single minute thing about your body, yourself, who you are, etc.

Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

Nobody? alright then. That’s what I thought. Why is that?

It’s frustrating and sad. Even the most outwardly confident of us all have something they take major issue with.  Too big, small, loud, quiet, sticks out too far, too short, too long, yaddayaddayadda. And then we try to justify all of this in the name of “self-confidence” “conceitedness” by throwing in “well at least he/she/it has it worse than me.” WTH? That’s not self-confidence. That’s petty and destructive. And it’s not going to work anyways.

So why do it? Sure, at the end of the day you’ve created a booster seat with the pile of dashed self-lovin’ of other people, but if you have to KEEP DOING IT, clearly it’s not working.

My dear sister, who makes her home on the interwebs over at Les Coeurs Solitaires posted this fabulous quote the other day. Thought I’d share with y’all :)

“At some point in your adult life, you’ve probably walked into a party and felt a frisson of relief upon discovering at least one woman there who was fatter, uglier, and/or dressed more inappropriately than you. We sure have. But if you want to have any hope of making peace with your own body, you need to knock that shit off.

We’re not even telling you to stop just because it’s nasty, petty, and beneath you to judge other women so harshly; it is, but because you’re not a saint, and neither are we. We’re telling you to stop because it’s actually in your own self-interest to stop being such a bitch. ‘Cause you know what happens when you quit saying that crap about other women? You magically stop saying it about yourself so much, too.

Judging other women negatively creates a constant stream of nasty thoughts in your head. It is inevitable that you will end up applying those same standards to yourself. We think we’re building ourselves up when we do this but, really, we’re just tearing other people down to our level. And we hate to go all Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood on you, but tearing other people down isn’t really productive. It leaves you in the same place you started, which is full of loathing for your own body. “

–Excerpt from Screw Inner Beauty, by Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby

And the church says AMEN. Let 2011 be the year we let go of petty crap, self-destructive thoughts, and unnecessary negativity about ourselves, and everybody else for that matter. Please and Thank you.

good music!

Posted in happyness, Love, music, randomness, The Wonderful Internet on 01/09/2011 by asante

Short pointless post. Stumbled across this and the concept alone blew my mind. Nirvana x J*Davey. #YesPlease.

Great original, epic cover. I love J*Davey!

Listen and enjoy :)

black is beautiful.

Posted in beautiful, Family, happyness, Love, Me, memories, randomness on 11/16/2010 by asante

I’ll say it loud and proud: I love my skintone.

Dark, chocolate-y, ebony, whatever you want to call it, I have it, and I love it. I inherited my daddy’s super-deep-dark African complexion, and I plan on rocking the hell outta all this melanin for years and years to come. No hate whatsoever to my friends and readers of a lighter complexion, but personally I think there are few things more fantastic than deep brown skin.

I think it’s clear that the whole Darkskin/Lightskin dichotomy never really affected me that much. I’m lucky enough that it was never a major issue for me, at least as far a insecurities go. I scoffed at my family members back home overseas who would ask us to send them “lightening” creams. I was fully aware that I was dark skinned. And I embraced it. No problem going out to the beach or pool basking in the sun. It still baffles me to this day how much weight some people place on this, how much of their story is defined by feelings of inadequacies based in the deepness or paleness of their skin.

I saw this video today, and it really stuck with me; seeing women of all backgrounds still facing the same struggle of feeling like the deep tone of their skin makes them somewhat inferior. STILL. In 2010. Like, what?! I thought we’d be off that by now :(

It’s disheartening, to say the least. But I do commend the women in the video for not only approaching acceptance and self love of their hues, but doing their best to share those sentiments with others :) (that little girl just broke my heart!!!) I’m grateful to have been raised in a household where it was never a major pre-0ccupation. I escaped that particular brand of self-doubt, and managed to emerge not only with a level of acceptance, but a high level of adoration for it :) I really hope that others will start to realize that there is so much to be said for loving what you’ve got, and can get to where I’m at about this particular issue. Self love rocks!

I remember waaaaay back in high school, one day in art class, my teacher Mr. Newman was discussing mixing colors to recreate flesh tones, as we were painting a live model that week. As the only “other” in the room, (I attended an overwhelmingly predominantly white private school, so people who looked like me were few and far-between. Hence the high level of bouge I proudly display today. lol.) he decided to choose me as a guinea pig to show how to mix skin tones. He took my forearm, an array of paint, and a palette knife, and began mixing colors right there against my skin, trying to match the color, all the while lamenting the fact that our model was caucasian, and in his opinion, unfortunately her skin wasn’t as interesting as mine. 20 minutes later, he had added blues, reds, yellows, coming close, but not quite. It was a crazy scene, and took a lot of turp to get off, but it was a fantastic display of just how dynamic dark-brown skin can be. Paleness be damned!!

That moment stuck with me, and to this day I take every opportunity to relish in all my black-coffee-colored naturally Coppertone-d awesomeness. I love the way the sun makes my skin all glow-y. I get super excited when I get a lil’ tan and I’m even darker than usual. I play it up, show it off, and otherwise flaunt it in any way possible. It makes me giggle seeing people baking all day under the sun trying to get what I’ve got. Deep brown/red/yellow/blue/black-toned deep dark chocolatey skin. I laugh it off when someone tries to hate on dark skinned people, because I know deep down it’s not disdain, it’s envy. Not as dark as me? You maaaad lol. It’s ok. Have a tissue.

I know I’ll never be a “redbone” or “lightskinn-ded” or “bright”. And that’s how I like it. thankyouverymuch.

my black is b-e-a-UTIFUL. Period.

I think it’s clear that the whole Dark/Light dichotomy never really affected me that much. I’m lucky enough that it was never a major issue for me, at least as far a insecurities go. I scoffed at my family members back home who would ask us to send them “lightening” creams. I was fully aware that I was dark skinned. And I embraced it. No problem going out to the beach or pool basking in the sun.

#TeamWillow

Posted in hair, happyness, Love, music, news, The Wonderful Internet, video on 10/19/2010 by asante

I’m officially on the bandwagon. Willow Smith is  just so frickin’ adorable. Congrats to her on a fly song and a rocking video. I need braids in my life… ASAP. lol

“I whip it real hard….I whip it real hard……”

“asante, party of 1…”

Posted in Fall, friends, happyness, Life, Love, Me, randomness, rant, revelations, Uncategorized on 10/11/2010 by asante

[walks in to imaginary support group meeting]

“Hello everyone. My name is Asante…”

“Hiiiii Asaaaanteee.”

“…and I’m a recovering relationshipper.  I’ve been single for 8 weeks… “

[clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap-clappity-clap-clap-clap…]

Being single during Fall Cuffing Season  is strange. Literally everybody is looking for a winter boo-slice lol. ]

Except me. Not interested. Sorry. Been there, done that, need a break from it. But seriously as much as I love my friends, I feel like a lot of them are treating me with kid-gloves, like I’m about to dissolve at any second. Gently bringing up my ex like I’m just a mess waiting to happen, no matter how many times I tell them I’m doing ok. Suggesting friends they want to hook me up with because “I’m too great to be single” or “I need someone for the holidays” or “I’m running out of time” etc.

Dude. I’m not dying. I’m single. And it’s ok. Really.

It is a strange transition, to be sure. At first it came as a surprise being approached, since apparently I wiped the “Fall the —- back, I’m involved” ink off my forehead. Then it was a surprise remembering that I COULD entertain the attention (or ignore it, lets face it, I’m still pretty damn picky lol.) Then the discouraging moments when it’s Friday night and I’ve inadvertently had my “<3” iTunes playlist on for 2 hours and wondering why I have nobody to cuddle with. Then the realization that I don’t need it. I’m single. And it’s ok.

I’m not “alone”. I don’t have “nobody”. I have myself. A newly-accepted and appreciated form of myself, I might add. All this new-found self-worth and love, and I want to throw it out the window with the mantra that I need a “somebody” to make my existence legit? Nuh-uh. Vivian Green said it so well: “I like it, but I don’t need it”. I spent the better part of my early adult years in a great relationship, and though I technically was single before then, I wasn’t really looking for that long. So this is really the first time in my life that I’ve been “single”, and I don’t think I’m ready to be anything but at the moment. (Let’s be honest, rebounding is never a great idea. lol). The last thing I am looking for is to be in a new relationship right now. Why is it a bad thing?

Everywhere I look (mind you, I spend a lot of time absentmindedly surfing blogs and the like) there’s another article about “making a man want you” or “getting him back” or “mistakes you’re making that keep you single” on-and-on-and-on blah blah blah. Since when is a girl’s sole purpose in life to tie down a man? I mean the attention is nice, sure, but is that my only goal in life? Should it be? I say “heck naw“. I want a weekend where I get to put on some banging heels for “me”. Take “myself” out somewhere nice to eat. Get to know “I” in and out, and just enjoy that for a while.

Sure it would be nice to be in a relationship again. I’m definitely not saying that the institution of a committed relationship is a bad thing. And it’s not out of the question in the (not-so-near) future. What I’m saying is that it’s not the only thing. I’d like to remind myself there’s more to life than being one half of a couple, at least in the short-term. And after so long as just that, one half, I think it would be irresponsible to not explore what it means to be a whole, by myself, and do things for me for a while. You hear relationship ‘experts’ saying all  the time that “you can’t contribute to a healthy relationship until you are in one with yourself” etc. etc. I think that being content while single is a big part of that. I’m not looking for my next 4+ year romance yet. I have some catching up to do with myself, and I don’t think I’m done with that yet.

So yes, my friends, I’m single. And I know  you’re just trying to help, and I appreciate it. I’m glad you all think I’m such a catch lol. But I don’t need a new man.

Not yet, anyways.