“asante, party of 1…”

[walks in to imaginary support group meeting]

“Hello everyone. My name is Asante…”

“Hiiiii Asaaaanteee.”

“…and I’m a recovering relationshipper.  I’ve been single for 8 weeks… “


Being single during Fall Cuffing Season  is strange. Literally everybody is looking for a winter boo-slice lol. ]

Except me. Not interested. Sorry. Been there, done that, need a break from it. But seriously as much as I love my friends, I feel like a lot of them are treating me with kid-gloves, like I’m about to dissolve at any second. Gently bringing up my ex like I’m just a mess waiting to happen, no matter how many times I tell them I’m doing ok. Suggesting friends they want to hook me up with because “I’m too great to be single” or “I need someone for the holidays” or “I’m running out of time” etc.

Dude. I’m not dying. I’m single. And it’s ok. Really.

It is a strange transition, to be sure. At first it came as a surprise being approached, since apparently I wiped the “Fall the —- back, I’m involved” ink off my forehead. Then it was a surprise remembering that I COULD entertain the attention (or ignore it, lets face it, I’m still pretty damn picky lol.) Then the discouraging moments when it’s Friday night and I’ve inadvertently had my “<3” iTunes playlist on for 2 hours and wondering why I have nobody to cuddle with. Then the realization that I don’t need it. I’m single. And it’s ok.

I’m not “alone”. I don’t have “nobody”. I have myself. A newly-accepted and appreciated form of myself, I might add. All this new-found self-worth and love, and I want to throw it out the window with the mantra that I need a “somebody” to make my existence legit? Nuh-uh. Vivian Green said it so well: “I like it, but I don’t need it”. I spent the better part of my early adult years in a great relationship, and though I technically was single before then, I wasn’t really looking for that long. So this is really the first time in my life that I’ve been “single”, and I don’t think I’m ready to be anything but at the moment. (Let’s be honest, rebounding is never a great idea. lol). The last thing I am looking for is to be in a new relationship right now. Why is it a bad thing?

Everywhere I look (mind you, I spend a lot of time absentmindedly surfing blogs and the like) there’s another article about “making a man want you” or “getting him back” or “mistakes you’re making that keep you single” on-and-on-and-on blah blah blah. Since when is a girl’s sole purpose in life to tie down a man? I mean the attention is nice, sure, but is that my only goal in life? Should it be? I say “heck naw“. I want a weekend where I get to put on some banging heels for “me”. Take “myself” out somewhere nice to eat. Get to know “I” in and out, and just enjoy that for a while.

Sure it would be nice to be in a relationship again. I’m definitely not saying that the institution of a committed relationship is a bad thing. And it’s not out of the question in the (not-so-near) future. What I’m saying is that it’s not the only thing. I’d like to remind myself there’s more to life than being one half of a couple, at least in the short-term. And after so long as just that, one half, I think it would be irresponsible to not explore what it means to be a whole, by myself, and do things for me for a while. You hear relationship ‘experts’ saying all  the time that “you can’t contribute to a healthy relationship until you are in one with yourself” etc. etc. I think that being content while single is a big part of that. I’m not looking for my next 4+ year romance yet. I have some catching up to do with myself, and I don’t think I’m done with that yet.

So yes, my friends, I’m single. And I know  you’re just trying to help, and I appreciate it. I’m glad you all think I’m such a catch lol. But I don’t need a new man.

Not yet, anyways.


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