I’ve Got Issues. Pt. 1

“…if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
–Marilyn Monroe

I’ve become a bit of a neurotic mess. I hide it well, though, don’t I? lol. (hopefully! O_o)

I’ve come to the realization lately that I spend a lot more time than I realized not only obsessing over tiny inconsequential details, but also laying the guilt on thick when I don’t meet my own lofty goals and expectations. I can be kind of hard on myself. I forced myself to say out loud they types of things I normally run through my head about a million times a day… and let me just say, I was appalled. (Definitely something to try, if I wouldn’t want to say it out loud to someone else, why on earth am I saying this foolishness to myself?! I’m supposed to love “me”. I need to stop bitching at her. lol.)

Yea so overly self-critical is #1. A close #2 is my frequent tendency to operate more for the edification of others than for my own well-being. Waayyy more often than I should, I find myself being the one muttering “well if nobody else will do it… I’ll take care of it.” Why I do this? Not 100% sure, but it probably has a lot to do with my distaste for chaos.. If I can do my part to make a situation a little more organized, a little less frustrating, I start to look at it like it’s my responsibility. And taking responsibility definitely isn’t a bad thing, but the problem is…

Sometimes it’s just not my battle to fight. It doesn’t concern me, I don’t have to say yes, and the world will NOT stop rotating if I choose my own happiness over that of someone else. Sometimes I just need to remember to put myself first. But in a positive way.

As always, I am a work in progress. But I’m getting there. One of these days I’ll figure it out.

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