"I get by with a little help from my friends"

Lately I’ve been forced to call a lot of my relationships into question. I’ve visited this topic before, but I don’t understand what it is about some people that makes them do everything in their power to drain people around them of theirs. It’s exhausting being on this end of that situation.

I’m the type of person who is all about people and being close to others. But at some point, I have to think about the detriment to my quality of life by having such a toxic relationship, and try as I might, I just can’t be that self sacrificing. I was recently at odds with a person who I’ve known forEVER, and a tiny little thing managed to completely destroy what I thought was once a steadily improving and strengthening relationship. It was like one cable snapped and the entire bridge collapsed, and I find my self standing in the rubble looking hopelessly confused.

The obvious first question, is how did I let this get this far? Where did I miss the turn that could have prevented this? Followed by, why are you clinging so hard to such a trifling indiscretion? How is it that every supplication I make, every compromise I try to form, does nothing but plant you more firmly in opposition to me? What is it that I’m saying or not saying that is so easily misconstrued?  How did “what I feel” and “what you think I feel” end up so far at odds? And lastly, Why am I still trying?

Because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you care about someone. Right? Try and try and then try again to get through to them, no matter how much they kick and scream and complain and do everything in their power to make you feel insignificant, ineffectual, a useless vestige of someone they once relied on. But the firmer they stand, the more exhausted I become, and the less headway I make with each push. Until eventually there’s nothing to do… but give up.

I’m exhausted. I’m sorry.

To those out there building walls against the evils and the hurt in this world, remember that those same walls that lock those things out, lock you in. And somewhere, someone is growing weary of trying to punch a hole through. I don’t want to, but what other option remains?

I hope reading this will make y’all think about what we all do to people we care about sometimes. Friends and loved ones are there for a reason; no issue should ever turn into a wall that thick.


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