Sunday Morning once again…

…and as usual, my mother called me bright and early to quote scripture at me and admonish me for still being asleep. A pretty normal occurrence; she takes every available opportunity to tell me I should go to church more, but I don’t know. I think in some ways I’ve “lost my religion”, whatever that means. Or more accurately, I’ve lost interest in religion, not faith. And yes, I believe those are two distinct concepts. I definitely wouldn’t say that I don’t have faith, I believe in God, I believe that He wants certain things to happen in my life and I need to do certain things to stay on that path. But I think if you compared me to the ideal picture of a “Christian”, I would fall miserably short lol.

I had a variation on this convo a few days ago, while discussing a guy who showed some interest in me. The general consensus was, however, that I’m not “good” enough for this person, who spends several days a week at church, and can use the Lord’s name about 20 times in a 10 minute conversation lol. What can I say, I enjoy my vices. I drink, smoke on occasion. I cashed in my V-card quite some time ago,  and I thoroughly enjoy a short skirt or a shirt that’s a little too revealing. I curse. A Lot.  I’d rather sleep than drag myself to a church service that I mime through. And going through a day without actively thinking about my faith is something that has never really been difficult for me. Several of my family members and friends are definitely not of my persuasion.

Everyday I see blogs or Facebook posts or emails or Geni comments or whatever where someone I know is proudly displaying their zealous appreciation for God and their faithful adherence to one scripture or another, and I just don’t seem to relate. In no way am I discounting or condescending the faith of my friends and family, just simply saying that I’m not in that place. Sorry Mom, but no matter how many times you quote scripture at me or drag me to church, it’s not going to change the fact that in a lot of ways, I find religion stifling. There’s too much to live up to, and the purported consequences are pretty damn steep (… there I go cursing again. lol). Why is it that in order for people to think that I have true faith, I have to be a bible-toting, bible-quoting type of person who makes every available effort to avoid the vices of this world?

I’m human. I make a LOT of mistakes. I don’t think my faith should be compromised by my humanity. I mean if He created us, I’m sure he read the manual and is well aware of the human condition lol. I believe in a God who should have greater concerns than small slip-up here and there. The integrity of my soul is not necessarily compromised if at my core, I still believe in right and wrong.  Is God really going to turn me away on Judgment Day for a few inconsequential tattoos? Steep consequence, petty crime. If someone kills 20 people, but are always present at Bible Study 3 times a week, does that make them a better person than me? Hopefully not lol.

I guess my bottom line is that I don’t fit into the “Christian” box. Probably never will. But I guess that’s the way I like it. Now I’m going to roll over in bed and wait for all my friends to get out of church. lol.


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